Of Mixed Emotions

When one of the speakers for the recent pre-practicum seminar that I attended asked each one of the participants about the right-now feelings, all I could think about is the halo-halo of feelings that I have been and am still experiencing.

The challenge with teaching special education is humongous. This is true for those who are trained as well as for those who are experienced in teaching. It is made even greater if one has no idea about lesson plans and the basic teaching strategies.

We did have some lessons focused on lesson plan making, but this is something I cannot just learn about in a couple of months. As one of my classmates in the course said, it takes real experience to determine the most effective lesson planning for each individual educator. More so, I am constantly hounded by the standard ethics guiding each teacher everyday within the classroom setting. What are the things a teacher can do to implement discipline in kids? What are the things a teacher should steer clear off when it comes to practicing with an iron hand? What is the teacher's limitations?

All these confusion are not clearly defined in any laws (that I have come across with), and no single teacher can tell me about the specifics about these concerns that bother me every single waking moment for the past few weeks up to the present.

These are the reasons behind the mixed emotions that I am feeling right now. I am completely overflowing with excitement about this new field that I am going to venture into. There is the butterflies in the stomach and all that giddiness, but they come with a good amount of fear as well.

I am scared of many things. I am scared of not being able to do what is expected of me in this area of work. I am scared of falling short of what they might expect of me. I am scared of not being able to do something, or anything, for these kids. I am scared that I might make the wrong moves and end up hurting them instead of helping them. I am scared. On the other hand, I am excited. I am scared and excited (and I hope both emotions are going to serve me well with this endeavor).